I'll Never Let You Near
by Mamolove
Summary: A sunset triggers a lost girl to analyse her past, present and future. With the presence of a certain Kansai monk


Sat. (11 Aug. 2001) - This is the epilogue to a fic I'm working on. Enjoy!   


***I'll Never Let You Near***   
**by Mamolove**   
**Email: david_duchovny@hotmail.com**   


"Here's a cupcake for you, Ne-chan!" Sorata Arisugawa grinned as he offered the warm food delight to the silent girl perching on the top of the building beside him. Sorata was about to say something about the cake igniting two hearts together, but stopped as he laid his eyes upon that girl. She was slim and agile, about a head shorter than he was, and had long, black hair which gracefully rested on her shoulders and flowed down onto her back. 

Arashi Kishuu glared at Sorata as she sensed that her partner was, as usual, distracted. "Thank you, but I'm not hungry," Arashi smoothly said. "You can have mine," she said. This was not a time to be distracted. They were supposed to keep an eye on Kamui always. And now was not an exception. Not that Kamui liked the idea of the Dragons of Heaven watching him like hawks, but the coming day would happen any time now, and Kamui should be protected at all times - Even if he insisted that he could well take care of himself! 

Besides, Arashi did not want to be distracted particularly by someone. 

"Ne-chan is beautiful and she wants to keep it that way," Sorata mumbled to himself, giving a melodramatic sigh. 

Arashi sighed inwardly. Merely looking at Sorata raised her blood pressure. She turned around to shoot a laser-glare at the tall guy, who towered over her at 6 feet 1. Sorata Arisugawa: Self-proclaimed partner of hers, vain, overconfident, amazingly dense, and annoyingly never as serious as she was. 

"Well, I also bought a cup of cooling orange juice for you, Ne-chan." 

Okay, so Sorata was a sweet guy too. Again Arashi sighed inwardly. There was a quiet intensity about her partner not to mention deep wisdom reflected in those hazel orbs of his. Arashi could sense it the first moment their eyes came into contact with one another. Something in the eyes showed that he wasn't as stupid as he acted to be, nor as young as he physically was. He was also gentle and assuring -- Probably due to his deep and husky voice, not to mention his easy-going attitude. And yet, Arashi could sense that he had been hovering by her side ever since the day they met, in a very protective manner. At first she was cool and distant, but as the war began unfolding, Arashi began to worry for her partner, who seemed to have no second-thoughts in protecting her, even if it meant injuring himself. Lastly, Arashi noticed Sorata's penchant of flirting with her. 

Especially when they were alone together, like now. 

"Look, Ne-chan. The sunset's beautiful, isn't it?" Sorata pointed to the horizon, which was made out of spokes of other skyscrapers and buildings. 

Arashi silently nodded, and in a fleeting moment recalled watching a similar sunset with Kaede-san back at home. Home.... A pang of homesickness resounded through Arashi. She missed Kaede-san terribly. And regretted that she had not expressed more to her elder before she left for Tokyo. She had so much to say - So many doubts, troubling her incessantly. What if she failed to find Kamui? What if she failed in her duty as a Dragon of Heaven? 

What if she could never see Kaede-san again? 

But all Arashi did then, was give Kaede-san a long hug, and off she went. She had to be strong. She had to be focused. Not only for her late mother and Kaede-san, but also for herself. Being a seventeen year old did not mean *anything* to her. She was far beyond that age mentally, having been trained and nurtured since she was three. This was her life's mission, and this was what she was born for. If it needed someone cold and impassive to shoulder the fate of the world, so be it. 

Unconsciously Arashi touched her left palm, softly making circles at the spot her hidden sword would appear. Contrary to what other people might think, Arashi had never regretted shouldering her responsibility as the Hidden Maiden of Ise. Blame it on her strong sense of justice. Besides, it would make things easier if she willingly accepted her role, rather than go about feeling bitter and resentful of it. Painful maybe, but certainly easier. Being emotionally detached helped a great lot as well. She wanted to be strong and impenetrable -- Unable to be hurt, physically and emotionally. Sometimes she marvelled at Sorata and Yuzuriha for being so cheerful and bright despite their bleak future. Where did they derive their strength and courage to keep pushing forward from? Flippantly, Arashi pondered darkly: Were they wearing masks as well, hiding their fears and sadness in jovial tunes, rather than showing it to the world like Kamui and Subaru? The raven-haired priestess glanced at her partner, who was quietly seeping tea beside her. What was Sorata actually thinking of, within that sharp mind of his? 

Darn. Arashi mentally slapped herself as she realized that her thoughts had returned to that Kansai monk. She hated it. Sometimes she wondered whether she hated HIM as well. For playing with her feelings. Hated him, for being the very person she failed to be. 

Matured. Strong. And human at the same time. 

Are you sure that's the reason, Arashi?> her heart whispered. Do you really hate him?> 

Darn. She couldn't help it. She had been through too much in the process of building her inner defences. It will not be totally broken through by a boy her age! She had sacrificed so much to train herself to be the detached person she was today. How could she not hate Sorata for making her steel walls waver? 

How can you hate him, Arashi? For the kind man he is, how can you despise him?> her inner voice gently chided. He is all you ever wanted, and you resent him for that!> 

Arashi closed her eyes, and inwardly sighed in defeat. Yes, she could not deny it. She never hated her partner. Oh, her feelings were quite the opposite. 

Since she was an introvert, Arashi had developed a rather outspoken inner voice, partially due to the fact that she seldom voiced out her thoughts. And it always spoke in second person mode. Arashi preferred it that way, as it enabled her to be more detached, analytical and not so lonely. Yes, Arashi was merely denying herself. How could she hate Sorata? How could she blame him for her weakness? 

And most of all, how could she hate him for making her human again? 

The pragmatic girl within Arashi knew that all this sublime vehemence and hostility towards her partner was a pathetic attempt to outbalance the feelings that were slowly blossoming within her heart. You like him, and you're afraid that you'll fall in love with him.> 

I like him, and I'm afraid of falling in love....> For the first time, Arashi admitted it to herself. She stole a glance at her partner, eyes quickly scanning his large frame. Her eyes stopped at his hands-- such long fingers. Just how much power could they yield? Legends spoke of the power of the founder of the Kouya monastery, but the young man sitting beside her reportedly exceeded his power by a tenfold. Just how much power was that? 

Before Sorata could look at her, Arashi quickly looked away into the golden horizon. Gods, the sunset was really beautiful. And Arashi remembered why it had set her mind thinking like this in the first place. 

The sunset with Kaede-san. She was sixteen at that time, and still Kaede-san never ceased pouring her gentle love to Arashi, never giving up in trying to make Arashi more open. Kaede-san had beckoned Arashi to sit beside her then, to look at the sun setting at the horizon.   
_Our lives are as beautiful as the sunsets, Arashi-chan..... It's just up to us to decide whether we want it to be that way......_

Arashi remembered she had merely looked impassively ahead, pursing her lips as a sign that she was weighing in Kaede-san's words. Her mind had been bursting with doubts, and anxiety, and she really hated herself for her insecurity. 

Kaede-san seemed to know, though. Arashi could never explain why Kaede-san had always known her fears, yet never rebuked her for harbouring them. Instead, she would always comfort Arashi, gentle and loving as always. For some wonderful moments, Kaede-san's voice wafted through the air.... _It's all right to be afraid, Arashi-chan.... You will never be alone, child. Not in your destiny. Believe in my words..... _Kaede-san stroked Arashi's black hair. 

And what Kaede-san said next had never left Arashi's mind ever since.... 

_ Someone will be there for you, Arashi-chan..... And he will love you so much, for the good person you are._

That was why Arashi had found it so hard to accept Sorata. She was afraid that he was the one Kaede-san meant. And day by day, it became increasingly likely that he was the one. And Arashi just could not help marvelling at him. He was such a beautiful creature-- gentle, patient and intense. Each time he stared into her eyes, Arashi found herself looking into the core of the man-- he trusted her that much. And each time it happened, the hairs at the back of her neck would rise up, as if he exuded some kind of potent force her eyes could not see, but her other senses could feel. Arashi's heart was not a block of ice, no matter how much she wished it was. 

Somehow, during the past months, Sorata had managed to penetrate her defences. Arashi didn't even realize when exactly she _really_ started thinking about Sorata, but the dynamics between them were definitely changing. On the surface, sure, their bantering was quite similar-- He making the jokes and her giving him a cold shoulder, but Arashi noticed that now, Sorata would also look into her eyes far longer and quietly go about his way during times when she wanted to be left alone. She also realized that he had a knack for preparing amazing dishes on days she felt like not eating. Sorata knew her _that_ well. At times she felt uneasy at his very-publicly declared love for her. She just wasn't sure about her feelings towards him. 

A few moments later, Arashi's thoughts darkened. What was this? Could the feelings within her merely be manifestations of a girl feeling flattered by another guy's loyalty and adoration? A mild infatuation perhaps? She had to restrain herself, had to control herself, had to.... 

_ Stop myself from loving him._

Arashi snapped out of her reverie, and looked at Sorata. He was looking at her, intently. Such gorgeous hazel eyes.... 

"What are you thinking of?" Sorata asked, waggling his eyebrows. 

Arashi wistfully looked away, a soft sigh escaping her lips. 

"Home, Arashi?" Sorata's voice suddenly turned gentle. 

Arashi whipped her head around. How did he know? Why was he so good in reading other people's thoughts? Had her defences gone down to such a low point that he could read her that easily? 

"I miss home too..." 

Arashi was not sure, but she thought she had seen his eyes quiver. "I write to Grandpa, but I still wish I could see him." Sorata looked at Arashi with a wistful expression. 

The two teenagers looked at each other. One offering comfort, the other, accepting it, despite hesitating initially. Everything, within one gaze. 

Suddenly Arashi didn't feel homesick anymore. And she had Sorata to thank for, for sharing his little secret with her. 

And for sharing the sunset with her. 

She quietly took a sip of the orange juice he had bought for her. Stiffly, she looked away, but at the corner of her eye she saw Sorata smiling at her subtle sign of acceptance. Arashi then felt long fingers curling around her free right hand, giving a minute squeeze before letting go. 

She pretended not to notice. 

He pretended to cry fountains of tears.   
  
But little did he know, the person holding the cup of orange juiced vowed to return the gesture. 

  


* * *

  
Thank you for reading this far. I just can't help writing this, especially hearing word that Sorata's end might be near, probably in the next Asuka issue :sob:. Hope you enjoyed reading this-- do tell me what you think about this vignette! 

Take care,   
Mamolove   
**david_duchovny@hotmail.com**   


**Date started: Dec 2 2000**   
**Date published: Aug 11 2001**


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